Unexpected Joy

When I wrote my last post I did not anticipate what this Christmas would bring. I figured on the normal consistant joy that comes every year. The magical wonder that comes every time you plug in the Christmas tree or smell fresh cookies or listen to carols driving in the snow.... joys that come BECAUSE of something; BECAUSE of Jesus, BECAUSE of good things BECAUSE of blessing. Instead the kind of joy that has come this year is the kind that comes DESPITE. It comes DESPITE the searing pain of loss, DESPITE lonliness, DESPITE goodbyes.
When memories seem to beat up on an already hurting heart it is the joy that creeps in the tiny cracks that hold that heart together. We said our temporary goodbyes to Papa Ed on December 6th, a sunday. Just like a year ago with Ben, I witnessed the miracle and beauty of a man dying well. A body battered by disease, but a spirit soaring with anticipation and bursting with more love than ever before. That love has never been, is not now, and never ever can be doubted, especially by me.

It is difficult to think of Christmas without Grandpa, his jolly self, his smily eyes, his goofy grins. His persistant wonder in every gift opened no matter what it is, even when he doesn't know what it is; his conversation and consistant love. Tears come to my eyes every time I think of the void that is still stinging and will be for a long while.
It seems that the Herald angels are singing their happy songs and Joy is to the whole world, but where does that leave the hurting? Sometimes its easy to ask, "Why now?" of "How can I have a 'Merry' Christmas when my heart is breaking? I have found that Christmas by design, leaves the hurting right in the center of the joy. Almost every Christmas carol addresses the hurting heart in some way.

"Tidings of Comfort and Joy" (God Rest ye Merry Gentleman)

"O come, Thou Day-spring, come and cheer Our spirits by Thine advent here; Disperse the gloomy clouds of night, And death’s dark shadows put to flight"(O Come O Come Emmanuel )

"Light and life to all he brings,risen with healing in his wings.Mild he lays his glory by, born that man no more may die" (Hark the Herald Angels Sing)

The King of Kings Lay thus in lowly manger;
In all our trials Born to be our friend. (Oh Holy Night)

"I heard the bells more loud and sweet; God is not dead nor doth He sleep, the wrong shall fail, the right prevail with peace on earth goodwill to men" (I heard the bells on Christmas Day)

There are so many other examples. Even the Christmas story as told in Luke addresses a world in need of peace. The angels didn't come to the comfortable, they came to Shepherds. They didn't say "and on earth happiness to men on whom His favor rests," they said, "and on earth PEACE to men on whom His favor rests." That peace and rejoicing is raw; it does not come only after lighting lights and baking cookies and giving gifts.... it comes before all that. It also doesn't take away pain or replace lonliness. If you notice, the shepherds did not become the kings... but they did have joy- because joy is a baby that grew to be a man and lived a perfect life, died a perfect death and conquered the grave and still lives today! Grandpa is with Joy (also known as Peace, Truth, Word, etc.) and Joy is with us. That fact alone makes Grandpa feel close and Joy even closer. We have never been without Joy, we aren't this year, and we never will be!